October 2011
1 post
5 tags
HOMEWORK HOTLINE
Few things in life are as precious as the innocence of youth. But if you’re like me and you’d rather have an erudite adolescent at the cost of $2 dollars per minute than a wholesome little dipshit, go right ahead and get the folks at your local ‘Homework Hotline’ to mentally taint your mathematically challenged youngster. Because if a thing’s worth doing, it’s worth being done entirely by a...
August 2011
3 posts
6 tags
BOY MEETS WHALE
Listen, before you say anything, yes, I am writing about Justin Bieber. It’s a scientific fact that 40% of the internet is JB content so I’m alienating a good portion of my potential readers by not talking Bieber. Don’t blame yours truly faithful reader, blame the uneducated masses. Anyways, courtesy of the always funderful Videothunder, I present images of Biebs with a Beluga.
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7 tags
ZIOUKIDO
In a week where we witnessed the powerful allure of JD Sports, a massive rise in the sales of baseball bats and the downfall of the inept Salford Knight Warrior, we’ve learnt that we need to be even more careful of youngsters hyped up on a steady diet of social exclusion, consumerism and scary music that just needs to take a time out. So consider Zioukido, the only martial art where its...
8 tags
Usthad
Having trouble deciding what blockbuster film to watch this summer? Watch ‘Usthad’, the Malayalam smash hit of 1999 starring Mohanlal as the underworld business negotiator struggling to balance his private life and dance troupe.
Usthad kicks ass in this opening scene with all the consistency of a Direct Line advert; you know it’s coming and you know it’s going to hurt to...
July 2011
1 post
9 tags
SOULSUCKINJERK'S TOP 5 DONK XMAS MIXES
Anyone who knows me will be aware that I’m a pretty big thing on the Festive Hardcore scene due to my love of all things beats. So without further ado, I now present to you ‘SOULSUCKINJERK’S TOP 5 DONK XMAS MIXES LIST’.
IN AT 5.
The list begins with the the surprisingly early appearance of the classic ‘Put A Christmas Donk On It’ from DJ Peanut’s...
May 2011
1 post
5 tags
BEYBLADES
I don’t have anything bad to say about my childhood (at this point lemme give a shout out to all the emotionally stunted screamo kid readers I’ve just alienated myself from - how you doing, big up da game), but perhaps that’s because I never suffered pain and suffering on the same level as the perpetual hell actor Daniel De Santo must be going through. De Santo’s...
February 2011
1 post
7 tags
London's Burning
Dear fellow British Patriot,
When will we learn that we can never hope to harness the uncontrollable power of nature? No, innocent reader, I am not talking of wind, wasps or Clostridium botulinum, but of fire, humankind’s oldest foe and the single biggest threat to the indigenous British people. Unfortunately, given successive government’s failure to recognise the overwhelming ...
November 2010
1 post
4 tags
R.I.P R.I.P
Occasionally when I see an example of human incompetence, idiocy or stupidity, instead of laughing it off and using it to make me feel better about myself (I am a simple human being after all,) I instead become very depressed at the very thought of the ‘peak of intelligence’ that is humankind. I’m just not sure what emotions are evoked by the Facebook ‘like’ page...
September 2010
2 posts
6 tags
Auction Singing
Whilst casually watching the deceptively titled ‘Pawn Stars’ (itself a programme that deserves praise for finally making history relevant in cash value terms), an angelic voice distracted me from a son’s quest to gain recognition from his Father.
Auction singing is in the very stitch of the quilt that is the United States of America. With that being said, it is nice to see...
4 tags
Chicken Cottage
I’ve always suspected that there was room for one more purveyor of high quality grub on the high street in the face of an already saturated market. Despite an attempted resurgence from fellow chain restaurant Wimpy (who have resorted to the tactic of giving fat people window seats in order to highlight that they are somehow still in business), it is Chicken Cottage who are pushing the fast...
July 2010
1 post
4 tags
Adam/A.D.M
I first became aware of Adam/A.D.M through that lowest common denominator known as ITV’s ‘Take Me Out’. Those sparkly eyes, those pitch perfect notes, those two mobile phones…
Good example here for all couples here; you can wallpaper over those structurally inherent weaknesses in your relationship by just ignoring what your other half says. It really is that easy.
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