BEYBLADES
I don’t have anything bad to say about my childhood (at this point lemme give a shout out to all the emotionally stunted screamo kid readers I’ve just alienated myself from - how you doing, big up da game), but perhaps that’s because I never suffered pain and suffering on the same level as the perpetual hell actor Daniel De Santo must be going through. De Santo’s association with Beyblades (voice actor don’t you know) has consequentially left him presenting coverage from the North American Beyblading Championship, or as it’s known in some circles, The North American Paedo Nerd and Dweeb Fetish Convention. LET’S BEYBLADE.
This first video acts as an introduction to some of the big players on the Beyblade scene. Now, unless you live in a cave, you should already be familiar with Shaun Lyons and Steven Franklin, two gladiators/pimps looking to add the National Championship to their ‘World’s Most Gruelling Slow-Motion Meeting’ award. With the tension rising and their separate entourages having to be split up due to the imminent prospect of a fight, you’ll notice Steven exhibiting some of the cockiness that contributed to him being voted by pre-teens as one of the most hated figures in the world, whilst the always popular Shaun exhibits his training techniques that later would see him heavily featured in Kerry Katona’s exercise video ‘GET BEYBLADE THIN TO MAKE YOURSELF ONCE AGAIN WORTHWHILE TO SOCIETY.’
Whether you’re familiar with Kyle from Decipher is another matter. Quite frankly, I was a big fan of his nerd based work until I saw his conversation with De Santo, where his usually cool demeanour span out of control as he wet himself at the prospect of being on a hidden extra on the Beyblade DVD. I guess people just react differently to the prospect of fame.
We’re then provided a glimpse into the future of all Engineering students (not for me as I’m doing an literary and historical based humanity so the future’s bright here, suckers). I seriously doubt that the Space Station in Houston has ever seen technology as advanced as this, or a breakdown as amusing as Steven’s. Even I knew he should have switched up his blade combination and launch technique, a learning process detailed in the video below. It’s simple, stupid.
So I hear yourself wondering, ‘Oh boy, I sure would love to know what those kids look like now.’ Well you’d be in luck, as we can see that the future of Beyblading and little children everywhere is in the safe hands of these self-admitted sad sack adults. At least one of them has admitted he’ll end up a spinster.
This pretty much sums up my feelings.
