ZIOUKIDO
In a week where we witnessed the powerful allure of JD Sports, a massive rise in the sales of baseball bats and the downfall of the inept Salford Knight Warrior, we’ve learnt that we need to be even more careful of youngsters hyped up on a steady diet of social exclusion, consumerism and scary music that just needs to take a time out. So consider Zioukido, the only martial art where its technique and application is as tough as its pronunciation.
I like Zioukido as it forgoes all the posturing and nuthugging of Modern Mixed Martial arts by instead placing particular stress on techniques for real-life practical situations. As we see in the video, when you’re not being taught how to properly headbutt a small child so the back of their head breaks a ceramic tile that’s been balanced on the forehead of another individual (a skill that surely would have come in handy during the rioting), you’re being taught how to ingeniously scare a passer-by with sheer creative brilliance and a glass bottle. So if you’re interested in learning the secrets of Zioukido (hint: shin pads), pop along to that recently burnt out Croydon furniture shop, also known as the new Zioukido Dojo, where they’re currently making the best out of a bad situation.
