BOY MEETS WHALE
Listen, before you say anything, yes, I am writing about Justin Bieber. It’s a scientific fact that 40% of the internet is JB content so I’m alienating a good portion of my potential readers by not talking Bieber. Don’t blame yours truly faithful reader, blame the uneducated masses. Anyways, courtesy of the always funderful Videothunder, I present images of Biebs with a Beluga.
I’m trying to work out what’s more depressing; that an evidently erudite and cultivated little girl knows how to upload videos onto Youtube and I don’t, or that I’ve sat in front of a computer screen for a good ten minutes, unable to convey in words how fantastically brilliant it would have been for Justin Bieber to have been killed by a captive Beluga whale. It’s not like I hate the guy, it’s just I think that the positive effects of desensitising a lot of children very quickly through the bloody death of an icon far outweighs the likely outcome of the Corey Haim special that’s awaiting Justin Bieber. We could eliminate the watershed, have daily screenings of Apocalypto and welcome Flanimal Jackie Stallone back on to the small screen where she belongs - all for a Beluga banqueting on Bieber. Obviously, Justin’s inner circle (eww) are all very aware of the dangers posed by sea creatures to the boy wonder, so the likelihood of this fantasy goring playing out is slim. But, positively, at least the visualisation of all his kiddy fans watching through the glass tank as his body gets ravaged by the cute little fishy will replace the premonitions of my own death as the final images I see before I get to sleep each night. Sweet dreams.
